I Don’t Get It: Why Do You People Like These Horrible Things?
They say that one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. For me, this has typically meant that I get to drink the milk after its sell-by date. But there is a larger usage, where there are things that...
View ArticleThe Whole Nine Yards: Adrian Peterson Coming Up Short Is the Best Sports...
After a seven-game win streak, the Redskins beat their division rival to win the NFC East for the first time since 1999. My Facebook feed lit up with shocked and overjoyed Skins fans. This was like...
View ArticleI Don’t Get It: Why Don’t You People Like These Awesome Things?
In a previous post, I spent a good 1500 words trying to explain that people who like cats and winter have it all wrong. This week, I’m spreading positivity. I don’t have a lot of love in this cold...
View ArticleMonday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Ratings: Tier 1
There’s always been something special about the position of quarterback. We’ve built storylines around him. We can’t “Remember the Titans” without Sunshine. ”Varsity Blues” made us believe that...
View ArticleTuesday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Rating, Tier 2
Today, haikus about the second hottest group of NFL QBs. Tier 2, Average to Slightly Above Average Dudes. Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints Fit, kind eyes, nice smile. He looks like a gym teacher. Is...
View ArticleWednesday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Rating, Tier 3
Some of these guys are getting homely. Tier 3, hopefully these guys developed a personality to accompany their athletic talent. Joe Flacco, Baltimore Ravens You’re average, Joe. But I have just one...
View ArticleThursday Morning Quarterbacking: QB Attractiveness Ratings: Tier 4
Good thing for shameless jersey-chasers, helmets, and money. MY DEAR LORD. Stay indoors. Peyton Manning, Denver Broncos Face fails to reflect That you’re better than Brady. Broncos? Colts?...
View ArticleBuy Some Sweaters, Damn it.
I was wrong. I know you’re all silently pumping your fist under your desk, thrilled that a smug(ly) know-it-all like me just said those three magical words. I’ll let you have your moment. But for as...
View ArticleEnough Already: boring, tired, and wack
It’s winter and I’m cranky. So, instead of writing the gorgeous prose that you and I both know I’m wont to do, I’m just over here waving my crooked finger like an angry old man. I’m Fifty Shades of...
View ArticleWhat to do when one of your Top 10 Hottest Dudes is Indicted for Murder
I don’t mean to cheapen this story. The one in which the double-amputee Olympic sprinter, Oscar Pistorius has been indicted for murdering a woman in his home. Details surrounding the death of Reeva...
View ArticleSnow Day
I can hear the waterlogged slurp of cars driving by on the street. It’s less than a dusting so far, but the forecast calls for heavyish snow this afternoon. I check the OPM website to confirm — our...
View ArticleBoston Marathon Bombing: Heartbreak on Heartbreak Hill
The Boston Marathon is the gold standard of marathons. It’s for elites and thoroughbreds. It’s for the strong, the fast, and the steadfast. For all those who believe that you don’t just get the neon...
View ArticleStop and Taste the Guacamole
You called me this morning (I’d been up since five) To invite me to dinner To talk ’bout our lives. You said “How are you?” I said “Get to the point.” “Would you like to have dinner At that new Spanish...
View ArticleSunshine and Misanthropy
Sunday was warm in the sunshine, chilly in the shade. So when I returned from the gym with the whole day ahead of me, I layered up and sought a place where the rays could wrap their tails around me...
View ArticleSpanish Lessons from Blonde America
I returned from Spain and promptly posted vacation photos to Facebook with my buck-toothed grin even hammier than usual. I glowed with the bright red blush of Jamón Ibérico, after consuming enough...
View ArticleI Come From A Good Family
A good family. Irish and Polish. A family will never fall apart because we aren’t built that way. We’re built to endure. On both sides of the line, we survived by digging up potatoes and maintaining a...
View ArticleBoy to the World
I was on a bender. So high on cotton candy and funnel cakes that I got a tiger tattoo on my arm. It was my aunt’s company picnic, where I joined all the other normal kids in running around with a...
View ArticleHow to Murder A Wedding
I hope you had a nice long walk down that aisle because when the DJ puts on some Kool and the Gang, commanding me to “Celebrate good times, come on,” it is a call I cannot resist. You have officially...
View ArticleYou Don’t Have to Be Fat to Be Fat: the skinnyfatrocity and why you need to...
Be honest. When the American Medical Association announced that it would begin classifying obesity as a disease, you thought of me, right? You thought I’d go off on a rant, lambasting fatsos for...
View ArticleYou Live for the Hard Days
You live for the hard days. The twenty-milers. The burpees. The tempo runs. The in-and-out 200s. The negative splits. The push-ups and the lunges and the 400s. The blisters, the bruises, the...
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